I'm baaaaack!

I am so sorry for the long absence. My computer is broken, but more importantly, I have been busy spending time with my boyfriend and Chayse and enjoying the summer. It has been a great but HOT one so far! I also returned to the professional world, working to complete my internship hours towards my Bachelor's. I am almost done with my 180 hours, then back to a paying job for me as well as a vacation with the kids and the bf! Its a hectic life, but I wouldn't have it any other way!

I really thought I would be more tempted at the various cook outs I have attended but I am happy to report that I have mainly stuck to healthier choices while still enjoying a nice cheeseburger every now and then. No chips and veered more towards the fresh fruits and veggies. I have stuck mostly to water, and tried to limit drinking at picnics. In addition, with working, I have been trying to pack my lunch and snacks and avoid eating out. The one time I did slip and eat Subway, a big chunk of my tooth broke, so obviously that was Karma for going off my healthy eating plan! LOL! I have been also trying to prepare healthy crock pot meals. A recent hit was Santa Fe Chicken...which I have added in the recipe section. I HIGHLY, HIGHLY recommend it. Rob and Chayse both devoured it. Great with brown rice and a little shredded cheese. Maybe add sour cream too. YUM.


The next thing I am working on is going gluten free. Rob is gluten free and has motivated me to try it as well. Plus, I have read studies that a gluten free diet helps alleviate symptoms of ADHD, which Kayla struggles with, so this could be a positive move for all of us. So far, all of the gluten free things I have tried have been delicious! Brown rice pasta is awesome! It helps to have a bf who likes to cook and is so good at it.

I need to work more on exercising. I come home from work tired and just want to relax. It has also been so hot. I have swam a bunch, thanks to a bf with a pool, but I need to walk/ jog. I am making a commitment to work out on my exercise bike, or do the Wii Fit, at least twice this week. This weekend, I vow to get out on that track, or in the gym, or on my bike, and MOVE! I need to find that balance and re-motivate myself!
My weigh in is Friday, and I really, really hope to be able to say I have lost a total of 40 lbs! I have lost 37 so far!

Be aggressive...B-E AGGRESSIVE!

Last night I was on Hulu and saw the ABC show Extreme Weight Loss. I watched episode 2, a girl named Meredith who weighed 314 lbs. In a year, she got down to 155. She also developed a strong love for running, so much so that in the episode she ran a marathon. I was completely inspired. She was running at over 300 lbs! I don't think it is a coincidence I discovered this episode on the same day I decided to do the Couch to 5k program.

So this morning, I weighed in. I am down 2.2 lbs! That is a total of 25 lbs lost! I am very excited! I feel like this episode, coupled with this weight loss, has changed my mindset to thinking that nothing is unattainable. I know I can do this. I know I can lose however much weight I want and do it permanently and healthily. And I feel like now I can be a runner. I have secretly always coveted runners. I know several people who run. I never, ever thought I could be one of them. I see them posting on facebook about their runs and I both awed and jealous. I think running is aggressive, in the best possible way. I want to be aggressive! It is so much more so than walking. I have always wanted to do a marathon and the Color Me Rad 5k and now I think I will set those as my goals. I will lose this weight and run in those races.

With that in mind, I went to the track today, threw on my sneakers, and JOGGED! I JOGGED! ME!!! The girl who said she would only ever run if a dog or the police was chasing her, RAN!!!! I did almost the whole half mile around the track jogging. I was super sweaty, I was out of breath, but I felt free and alive! When I wanted to stop, I thought about the girl Meredith on the episode and how transformative running had been for her. I want that for myself. So I put one foot in front of the other and kept going. I would have done more, but the track was severely flooded from last night's rain. I stepped into what I thought was a puddle and it went all the way up to my calf and soaked my shoes. So when it dries up, hopefully soon, I will be jogging. I think this could be my new passion! With that being said, runners, I think I need better sneakers. What works best for you? Let me know!

My expectations were low...

I have decided that Fridays are going to my weigh in days. So this morning, I stepped on the scale, not expecting a loss. I really didn't, because I have not exercised as much as I could have, except for the squat challenge I am doing (80 today! Oy!), and though I ate pretty well, I discovered a new treat and I thought it would do me in. Well, I lost 3 lbs! I was so surprised and thrilled. Every ounce is more motivation for me. Only up in health and down in pounds from here!


Aside from my loss, I want to discuss a new treat I have tried this week. First and foremost, I have a wicked sweet tooth. Like BAD. When I was pregnant with Kayla, I basically lived on chocolate, most especially Hostess cupcakes. But I have been really trying to steer clear of sweets. But then, Hungry Girl, who I follow on Facebook, advertised that Fiber One, whose brownies and chocolate chip softies I love, came out with two new flavors, Lemon Bars and Cinnamon Coffee Cake. Not only are they loaded with fiber, but they are 90 calories a bar. I went right to Walmart and hunted down the Lemon Bars. I couldn't find the Cinnamon Coffee Cake, so if anyone sees those at the store, let me know! But let me tell you, those Lemon Bars are out of this world! If you like lemon, they are intensely lemon-y and have a nice swirl of frosting on top. VERY satisfying to my sweet tooth. I know, not technically very healthy, but very good to get me over the sugar urges. Just wanted to share for those that struggle with a desire for sweets like myself. Two thumbs up!

In addition to the lemon bars, I have been eating cherries by the ton. I love this time of year because of all the great fruit options and cherries looked really good this week. I also like them because with the pit, it slows me down a little and lets me feel that I am full rather than just keep eating them like grapes, another of my favorites. I a big fruit person in general. So between the lemon bars and the cherries, I didn't have a lot of faith that I would lose anything. I also felt this week like I have been doing this wrong. I have seen so many people on my Facebook and on different sites I am on talking about how they go to bed hungry. I haven't been. I have been tracking all my food and calories on myfitnesspal, and I am under, by a decent amount, every day. I eat a snack most nights before bed. I guess I felt like because I wasn't going to bed with my stomach rumbling, I was not working to my full potential. But I guess those fears are quelled, as I continue to lose without starving. How about you? Do you snack at night? Do you go to bed hungry?

Weekends are hard...

I don't know about anyone else, but I find weekends the hardest time to stick to what I need to do. During the week, I am busy. I can find any number of things to fill my time instead of eating. But, then the weekend comes. Those 48 hours are the longest stretch of time I have uninterrupted with my kids anymore, since they are both in school. During the week, we get before school and after. It's chaotic and all business. So the weekends are a time when we can relax as a family and often, with relaxation comes boredom which means eating for no good reason. Also, Kayla doesn't get her medications on the weekend and her appetite really seems to swing into high gear. She always wants things like cinnamon rolls for breakfast, mac and cheese for lunch or dinner, pizza, McDonald's. She also loves grapes and watermelon and cantaloupe and turkey and lots of healthy things so please don't think I feed my kids junk! Well, all junk. =) I was just making a point that there is a lot of temptation in my face. Granted, she doesn't get a lot of these things, but just mentioning them sometimes stirs up the desire for them. I have been resisting pretty well but the urge is there, and I want that damn urge gone! I think starting to see changes, and feeling better, is slowly quieting them, thank goodness. I have so far been trying to find healthy alternatives for the things she wants. Sometimes I am successful and sometimes, there are just no substitutes. And my activity level seems to either be all or none on the weekends. Sometimes both days are packed full of stuff, like this weekend was supposed to be before Chayse caught a nasty stomach bug at school, and sometimes we just veg out completely. I find both scenarios challenging. I don't get a chance to walk when I am busy and when I come home, especially in the heat, I am tired and don't want to do the recumbent bike. I often struggle to eat correctly in social situations as well. Like Sunday, we went to the beach. Of course, one of the best things about the beach is the concession stand. So I had half of Chayse's footlong hotdog, a few fries, a small bag of chips and about half of Chayse's sherbert push pop. I also made sure to bring water to the beach and drank that. I think what will help me in the future is preparation. I should have brought things with us like turkey sandwiches, fruit and other healthier snacks. I think this will be the key to success as I go back into the working world, which I will be doing very soon. I was out a lot of the day and resorted to a drive thru smoothie for breakfast and skipped lunch. I need to make sure that doesn't happen all the time. That will be an on-going goal of mine moving forward with this life change. As for the weekend, I am going to try and prepare ahead there too. I tend to snack more so I will make sure things are on hand like fruit and veggies (mini sweet peppers, anyone?) and try to plan out meals instead of flying by the seat of my pants like we usually do on the weekends. I also don't want to use the weekends as a "cheat." I have heard that a few times and while I think there is absolutely a time and place for indulgences, but I don't want to do it every weekend, because I fear I won't be able to reign it back in. Maybe when I am not quite so new to all of this, I will be able to do it. What about you? Are you able to "cheat" successfully? What is the hardest time of the week/ day for you?

This was the photo that started it all. While I should have been looking at it and seeing a nice photo of my son and I, I saw the hugeness that is my face. It was like a car accident- I wanted to look away but I couldn't. And the more I looked at it, the more I saw myself for truly how I am- too big. I have always been overweight but this was beyond that. I was shocked and disgusted...and motivated. It took me a few months to really focus on what needed to be done. I had tried halfheartedly to lose weight before, but never stuck to it, because I have never really minded being a big girl.I have never suffered at the hands of a bully, or at least not one I couldn't handle, and I have always had self-confidence (perhaps too much.) But that photo, that face, that was something other than big. That was unhealthy. And I didn't ever want to be that. But let me start from the beginning... I think puberty probably is when I started gaining weight and it steadily increased throughout my childhood. I don't recall feeling all that different or alienated or uncomfortable about my weight. I have always had a wonderful, loving, accepting support system of friends and family. And then college. Oh college, with endless dining hall options, late night food orders and alcohol. In the two years I was away at school, I don't remember eating a salad once. I do, however, to this day, about 13 years later, fantasize about the Make Your Own Belgian Waffle station. Flash forward to me at age 22- pregnant. And that is when the body I had known became something foreign. Its a familiar tale for most women. After I had my daughter, I became consumed in her care and pushed my own out of my mind. I ate what she ate. I drank soda to bridge the energy gap. I worked and sometimes didn't feel like cooking so we ate fast food. I never had time to exercise. And so it went, for years. I became pregnant with my son when my daughter was 6. When he was born prematurely, it became even more soda now mixed with primarily hospital or fast food. When he came home, he was unable to be in childcare, so I stayed home with him. I watched a lot of daytime tv. I ate, sometimes mindlessly. I never noticed the effects that had on me until the picture above. Then I saw it, and the bottom fell out. I realized that I am at higher risk for diabetes, heart disease and high blood pressure just by virtue of family history and I am not doing anything to avoid it by carrying around this extra weight. If I wanted to see my children grow up, or if I wanted to run with them, or even lay with them without feeling uncomfortable, then I had to do something, and fast. I owed it to them. I always say there is nothing I wouldn't do for my kids. So this will be the true test of that statement, as I am embarking on this mission, for real this time, to be there for them for as long as I can be, as healthily as I can be. So here's the deal- I'm cheap and busy and without childcare 90% of the time, so I am doing Weight Watchers Points Plus unofficially. I don't do meetings but I bought a kit and calculator used. I learned everything I could about the program from the Internet. And I also just started tracking on My Fitness Pal. I have started exercising regularly...walking at least 2 miles three days a week or more, recumbent bike and Wii Fit at home and the gym when I can. I started all this in earnest about three months ago. I am down 20.2 pounds from my last official (aka last physical exam) weight. This blog will not only a way for me to track my progress, share recipes and tips, but also a measure to keep me accountable. I am super motivated right now but if that wanes then there will be this, and this audience, to keep me going in the right direction. So come along. I am a woman on a mission to change my life!